50 Shades… Does BDSM increase monogamy?

Fifty Shades of Stress Relief: New Study Claims BDSM is Good for You…

It also increases chances of Monogamy & Builds Trust. Here is how.

By: Nicodemus Hilaire

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At the local dungeon He says “Mine,” she whispers. “Yours,” & breathes.
The success of the Fifty Shades of Grey series has certainly brought the topic of BDSM out of the closet and into the spotlight. BDSM (Bondage Dominance Submissive Masochistic) used to be a rarely spoken of fetish, rarely spoken of outside of men’s magazines and adult stores. Today, it is becoming more widely recognized as a healthy expression of sexuality—especially with the data coming out of behavioral and clinical studies that suggest it is one of the healthier forms of stress relief for women. And before you shake your head, chances are you’ve probably considered being a submissive in a BDSM scenario at least once, so at least finish reading before making a judgment. The point being made with this articles is that fulfilling your sexual fantasies, whatever those may be, will enable you to have a happier, less stressful life.

And here’s why:

Safe, Sane, Consensual and Trust Building

Safe, sane, consensual is the mantra of the BDSM lifestyle, and this mantra is respected within the community for a number of reasons. Because of the use of bondage and implements that cause pain there absolutely MUST be an unbreakable bond of trust. The people involved in these relationships are aware that trust must be established and valued in order to continue in their chosen form of sexual expression. Placing trust in another person to do what you want and only what you want without going beyond your limits is certainly difficult to do, but when that person values your trust and lives up to it this creates a more intimate space for sexual relations. In a 2009 study called: Hormonal changes and couple bonding in consensual sadomasochistic activity, researchers found that:

The increases in relationship closeness combined with the displays of caring and affection observed as part of the SM activities offer support for the modern view that SM, when performed consensually, has the potential to increase intimacy between participants.

Increased intimacy and improved trust is always good, right?

Trust and stress go hand in hand. When you cannot trust your partner, it is stressful. By testing the limits of a relationship, you build evidence of the other person’s character and establish trust and credibility. In fact, in relationships where BDSM is involved, couples tend to be more monogamous. This could be because all of someone’s needs are being met by their partner, or it could be that the individuals do not want to ruin the trust they had worked so long to establish.

Taking off the Mask

Many women today, especially those who consider themselves feminists, often feel bound to a behavior they feel best represents their ideological worldview. In many cases women feel bound by the idea that they must be strong or in charge all the time, and this often translate into the bedroom leaving women mentally and emotionall exhausted. What BDSM allows women who are in charge at work all day is a moment where the veneer comes off and they can choose to be submissive… or dominant. But there is more to it than even that, BDSM is a style of sex that actually changes the state of the brain and produces a euphoria that is very different than what is produced by other types of sexual behaviors.

For the submissive, according to researcher Brad Sagarin, during sexual engagement their brain enters an altered state:

Bottoms show evidence of an altered state associated with a temporary impairment of the brain’s executive function capability accompanied by feelings of floating, peacefulness, time distortion, and living in the here and now. This altered state, often referred to as “subspace” within the BDSM community, aligns with psychologist Arne Dietrich’s “transient hypofrontality hypothesis”, an explanation for a diverse set of altered states from runner’s high to daydreaming to hypnosis.

For the dominant, the brain pattern is slightly different and the individual feels a “…a highly pleasurable mental state associated with focused attention, a loss of self-consciousness, and optimal performance.”

So, let’s get this straight: peacefulness, time distortion, runner’s high…and we haven’t talked about this before? Who doesn’t want to feel high during sex? Who doesn’t want to lose time and feel euphotic? That was supposed to be the whole point of sex to begin with, not a routine you do to get your partner to go to sleep.

Home Sweet Dungeon!

There are countless studies that have been done on BDSM, and nearly every type of publication has put out something positive about it, so why don’t we discuss it more, why don’t we endorse it? I think that this goes back to society’s base puritanical streak, and I am not picking on any particular religion by pointing this out. Even feminists from time to time, look down on sex-positive activities like porn, or female sexuality in games. For some reason, we seem to look down on activities which bring free pleasure. Maybe this is a product of capitalism then, that tells us that if something is free and fun it can’t be good for us. Who knows? What we do know is that there is clearly no scientific evidence to support that it is bad for you, and all the evidence to suggest otherwise.

If you have considered it, understand that as an adult you are allowed to do it. Your body, your choice also applies to your sexual activities. If sex is consensual and safe then it is “good” sex. So go ahead, add a few spanks and hair pulls into the routine. Empower yourself to fulfill your fantasy with someone who shares the same interest of fantasy, whether that is being tied up and exposed before sex or if it is telling your partner to bend over and receive their spanking. If you have never engaged in this activity before, it is probably best to read up on it to better understand safe words, consent forms, and how to find partners in your area in a safe and reasonable way.

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One thought on “50 Shades… Does BDSM increase monogamy?

  1. Nico, I remember when my submissive urges were making me think I had a thing for my boss. I was so crazy-obsessed and not in a good way..I was on the verge of getting fired. Then during session you told me to hold on a moment looked up a local dungeon and walked me through what I once thought was a degenerate culture. Now the one and only semi regular dungeon in my area all know me by my uh “fake name” lol. But I wanted to thank you and post this to show the world that this man knows the right thing for the right person all the time. He aggravated me to a point in which I finally went. And now my urges are fulfilled in a healthy way. And my professional life is much better. I would say more but I’d be afraid he would not have time for his Jenna flower. Great post Nico! Also great that you are not afraid to put stuff like this out there. My only question now is when my bottom gets to be spanked by you! LOL! and also thank ye matey! aaaarrrrrrrgggghhhhh LOL!

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